Battling the Digital Deluge Over a Taco: Hell At The Bell

Ever found yourself squinting at a screen, wrestling with a digital menu while a line of impatient customers forms behind you? That's the frustrating scene I set in this episode, where the quest for Doritos Locos Tacos turns into an epic saga. I take you on a humorous journey through my skirmish with the rapidly changing displays at my local Taco Bell, where the simple desire for a Mexican pizza becomes a test of patience and adaptability. It's a struggle that many from my generation face – a clash with the relentless march of technology that seems designed to leave us scratching our heads.

As the chuckles subside, we take a step back to bask in the warmth of nostalgia. I contrast the digital frenzy with the time-honored, paper menus of my Arizona town's Mexican restaurants, bastions of consistency in an ever-evolving world. No flashing images here, just the dependable list of enchiladas and chimichangas we've come to know and love. This episode isn't just a trip down memory lane, but a lighthearted look at how we, the irritable bastions of a bygone era, navigate a culture that's changing faster than one can say "taco." Join me as we embrace the laughs and the lunacy of getting older in a digital age.

Transcript

Blade: 0:14

Oh that fun. Start off a show, blowing smoke in your face, and cafe. he greatest of all drugs, whatever's in it. I don't know what's in it. You know I live in Arizona so I speak Spanish all the time. Cafe. Gotta have something. That's just how I am. But I just want you to know, right up top, that I suffer from an affliction that millions and millions of Americans, mostly men, mostly old men, suffer from as they grow older and age. And I've grown older and age Irritable bastard syndrome. I suffer. I'm a card carrying member.

Blade: 0:55

I went to the local Taco Bell that we have here in the desert and we have one and I'm happy to have it, and I just wanted four or five of those incredible Dorito Tacos Locos. I love those things and I'm looking at the menu and oh no, it's one of the digital fast food menus and everyone's got them. Now, everyone has them and they flash by so quickly and they had these incredible transition and these beautiful photos and you can't read them. You know, I want four Taco Locos and that's all I wanted. And some free fried beans and the cinnamon crisps or whatever they cinnamon twists, whatever they call them these days, that's it and a Baja soda, which is what they sell basically at Taco Bell. And I think, you know, when I was just looking at this menu here, I think they've got the Crunchwrap, you know, chalupa, dorito, dorito, melted cheese, something you know, but I couldn't, didn't have enough time to read exactly what the whole thing was. I think I saw, you know, bean and beef burrito in the combination and now they've got the Crunchwrap Supreme, you know, with the double stacked taco, is up there and that's flashed in front of my eyes, all within, you know, eight seconds.

Blade: 2:06

You know it's incredibly confusing. Oh, wait a minute. They have a double cheese beef burrito. What was that? You don't want to ask the girl behind the counter. What was that? Look, I want a Mexican pizza. Where are the Mexican pizzas? I've always loved Mexican pizzas and I know you have them. Where are they? And I can't find anything.

Blade: 2:26

And and and I'm looking at the girl and she's, and she's looking at me waiting for me to. Can I please help you, sir? And you know some cute little 16 year old, tatted up girl and you know she's being very nice. Can I help you, sir? And I said, can you just give me a second? I can't read the. You know the the the menu because it goes by so quickly and eyes roll back in her head and she's looking out at her drive through window, of course, because I, you know, I'm sure she's got nine or 10 or 11 or 12 people waiting for, you know, to order, and I'm sure they've got the same problem I do in the drive through, you know, things flashing in there. They don't know what to order either, and and and you know, not to mention you compound the whole trying to order thing from the drive through with a terrible audio they have in their sound box. It's complete nightmare, you know. But as a result, I don't know what to order anymore.

Blade: 3:16

The inside of my head, at this point, after 30 seconds, which seems like a century, looks, you know, like I'm looking inside a kaleidoscope, you know, and I'm brought to thinking about the Mexican restaurants in this town, because there's 20 billion of them in this little town in Arizona and they're on every corner. It's like, you know, in the South there's a, there's a church on every corner and in the North there's, you know, a bar. In every corner here there's a Mexican restaurant and it's ochoas and vaqueros, and me and me go, Ricardo's and Jose's Restaurante out, o on De La Familia, blah, blah, blah. You know they're on every single corner and they have these menus and every single restaurant, and I know there's 20 billion of them here, but they're all the same, the menus all the same, and it's the same in the United States and they've never changed. You know, you have like 10 items, maybe 11 or 12.

Blade: 4:05

You know, in the last one, let's say number 12, is the carne asada, because it's the most expensive, and you have to choose between the nine or 10 items. It's simple, and they all have refried beans or that fabulous queso sauce on it, you know, and the incredible rice that they have, you know, is enchilada or tamale, or tostada, or taco, or chicken or beef, and it's very simple. And so I'll take a number seven, please, and they ask you like a simple question, like well, do you want guacamole with your chips? And you're, and you're like yes, please, and I'll take a drink, and then you pay your money, and then you walk out and you're as happy as can be. You know you know thing the Mexicans have adapted over the years is American pricing. Yeah, the menus are still the same, the food is still the same, and it has been my whole life and probably always will be. These people eat that stuff every single day. I couldn't do it, but they do it every single day, you know. But the one thing they have adapted is the price. I mean, you can get one of the number three, for example, is now like 11 or 12 bucks, woo.

Blade: 5:03

So in closing, the final word and I steal that from Jerry Springer because I love that guy's show Springer is what it was called, and it was the worst television show ever put on television, everybody said, and it was there for 25 seasons, because we had one of your boy toys. That was good and you know you'd have two girls on there and they'd get into this fight right, and one of the girls stole the other girls man and her dog. And they have a couple of bouncers that are on the stage there and they're not doing anything and they're trying not to laugh in cases of really bad fight. And the girls start to fight and everybody's like Jerry!, Jerry, and he's got strippers on their stripper pole, you know, during the show the one show on television for 25 seasons and bless his soul, he passed away a couple of years ago, a pancreatic cancer or something like that.

Blade: 6:03

Anyway, where was I? Oh, the final word. American fast food restaurants with digital menus. Mexican restaurants with the same menu they've been using for 40, 50, 60, 70 or 100 years. Thumbs up. Well, the night that I got into town was the night that the rain that throws on the ground Down the street. I heard such a sound.